"You know there are windows on either side of your door right? And that your curtains are see-through?" Carter said with a smirk.
Why? WHY, for the love of God!
"I would give you my entire paycheck for a month if you bent over in front of me and fluffed your boobs again," he said as he stepped through the door, and I closed it behind him.
I closed my eyes, fully prepared to be mortified and not make eye contact, but before I could wish for a giant hole in the floor to swallow me up, Carter’s lips were on mine. He slid his arm around my waist and pulled me up against him, cupping my cheek with his hand as he slid his tongue past my lips and slowly stroked it through my mouth. I could kiss this man for days and never get enough. His lips moved against mine, soft and sensually, while his hand slid from my cheek, down my neck, and stopped on the bare skin right above my heart. I wanted to reach up and push his hand down into my bra. My fists clutched onto the front of his shirt and a whimper escaped from me as his hand inched just a tiny bit lower. If my mouth wasn't fused to his right now, I might wonder if I said that last part out loud. Or maybe he could read my mind.
Touch my boobs. Do it. The power of my mind commands you.
His hand stopped its downward descent and I wanted to scream. His tongue continued to slide against mine ever so slowly and I really wished I had one of those green flags from the NASCAR races. I would've waved that thing all around. Wave it in the air like I just don't care.
Carter, start your engine! You have been given the green flag. All systems go. Hit the gas and let your hand grab the boob.
"If you touch my daughter's boobs while I'm standing right here, I'm gonna have to put taffy in your trachea until you terminate."
Carter and I broke apart so fast you would have thought we were teenagers that just got caught having sex instead of grown adults that had a child together.
"Did your dad just tell me he was going to choke me to death with taffy?" Carter whispered.
"Yeah. He's on the letter T. Behave or an umbrella up your Uranus will be in your future," I whispered back.
My father walked over to us and looked Carter up and down.
"You got any tattoos, son?"
Carter looked at me in confusion and I just shrugged my shoulders. You never knew what was going to come out of my dad's mouth.
"Uh, no. No, sir, I do not," Carter replied.
"You own a bike?"
"Well, I have a pretty nice mountain bike that's still in storage because I just haven't had time to take it out for a…"
"Motorcycle, Cathy," my father interrupted with a sigh of annoyance. "Do you own a motorcycle?"
Carter shook his head, “No, and my name is Cart-“
"You ever been arrested or get in a bar fight?" my dad interrupted.
"No, I've never been arrested or gotten into any kind of fight, Mr. Morgan," Carter said with a confident smile.
My dad leaned over towards me.
"Claire, are you sure this kid isn't g*y?" he whispered to me.
"Jesus, Dad! No, he's not g*y," I yelled back.
"Hey…" Carter said, insulted by my dad's question.
My dad turned to face Carter and sighed.
"Fine, you can date my daughter and get to know your son. But if you knock her up again…"
My dad looked over at me with my hands on my hips and smoke practically coming out of my ears and then continued with his warning like I wasn’t there.
"…I will comb the face of the earth, hunt you down like a dog, and drop her cranky ass off on your doorstep. I'm not dealing with another nine months of Miss Pissy Pants over there."
Oh for the love of God.
I looked back and forth between them as they stared each other down.
Carter nodded his head and stuck out his hand for my dad to shake.
"Deal," Carter said as they shook on it.
Wonderful. One big happy cray-cray family.
Just then, Gavin flew through the living room holding something above his head.
"Carter! Look at the new sword I gots!"
My son was running into the room with my Jack Rabbit above his head like he was a gladiator going into battle. A gladiator with a purple "sword" that had five speeds.
"Oooh, what does this button do?" Gavin asked as he stopped and pressed the button that made the beads swirl around.
I flew over to him and tried to snatch it out of his hand, but he wouldn't let go. I frantically pressed all of the buttons to get it to stop while I played tug-of-war with Gavin and suddenly I hit one that switched it to warp speed and made the whole top part start rotating and vibrating so hard Gavin's arms shook.
"M-m-m-m-m-o-o-o-o-m-m-m-m-m th-th-th-th-i-i-i-i-s-s-s-s t-t-t-i-i-ck-l-e-s-s-s."
Fucking hell. When did this kid get so strong?
"Gavin, cut it out. This is not a toy," I said through gritted teeth.
I was playing tug-of-war with a rubber penis and my son. This is not okay people!
"It is too a toy. Why do you get all the good toys?" Gavin huffed as he put all of his weight into pulling the thing out of my hand and I actually stumbled forward.
"No, really guys don't worry. I've got this," I said sarcastically at my dad and Carter. They were standing shoulder-to-shoulder, a few feet away watching the show. They looked at each other and burst out laughing.
Of course. NOW they bonded – when I was trying to wrestle a sex toy out of my kid's hand.