Beauty Queens

13,026
05.03.2019

“Okay, we could come back in an hour if you need more time,” Jennifer said.

“Could you?” Mary Lou managed between kisses.

“No. That was a joke.”

The girls rushed to hug Mary Lou, except for Petra, who kept watch over Harris with the can of hair spray at the ready. They talked in a torrent: “Gonna kill us … MoMo B. ChaCha … cameras …” “If MoMo’s coming in on a yacht and we can get to it, we can use it to get off the island,” Shanti said.

“But they’ll be counting all of us for the pageant. They’ll notice if one of us is gone,” Nicole reminded them.

“Tane and I can do it,” Mary Lou said. “They think we’re dead.”

“Where’s the ship going to dock?” Petra asked Harris. She raised the hair spray.

“Down the beach about a hundred yards. There’s a secret docking cave.”

“You have a secret docking cave and you couldn’t afford to give my mom overtime and dental?” Jennifer pressed Petra’s finger on the nozzle and gave the hair spray can a squirt. It got Harris in the ear.

“Ahhhh! That’s cold!”

Jennifer narrowed her eyes. “You would know.”

“This cave leads out to the water,” Mary Lou said. “We’ll take this ledge out and swim down to the shore, be waiting for them when they come. As soon as you can, make a beeline for the docking cave.”

“We have to go back out the front and get the others. The guards only let us in for gummi bears and tampons. If we don’t go back up, they’ll come looking for us.”

“Okay. Everybody play it cool. We can’t let on that we know the plan.”

“What plan?” Tiara said.

They all looked at Tiara. “Tiara, you can’t say anything, okay?” Adina pleaded.

“You mean pretend? Blow kisses and put on my sparkle hips like when I was little?”

“Like your life depends on it. Because it does for a while.”

“What should we do about Harris the Misunderestimated over here?” Jennifer asked, eyeing him.

Mary Lou grabbed the ropes that had held her to Tane over the piranha tank. “I’ve got a few ideas.”

They left Harris tied up behind the rock where he wouldn’t be seen by anyone. Mary Lou secured the maxi pad over his mouth. “Bet you’re sorry The Corporation gave us wings now, aren’t you?”

“Take these flare guns. They might come in handy,” Petra said, grabbing two from the wall and tossing them to the girls.

Mary Lou and Tane swam out into the night ocean. And the other girls gathered their tampons, gummi bears, and beauty samples — a smokescreen of female products — and headed back up to the surface.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

(A high school hallway. A girl, MARCIA, slams her locker door in frustration. She looks haggard. NATALIE and RACHEL stand off to one side, watching and shaking their heads.)

RACHEL

Marcia sure is in a bad mood. And she looks awful!

NATALIE

I hear it’s that time of the month.

RACHEL

I guess somebody doesn’t know how much fun having your period can be with new Maxi-Pad Pets — the revolutionary new fashion maxi pad that makes you feel like you’ve got a special friend in your pants.

MARCIA

All I’ve got are wings. Wings!

NATALIE

Wings are so last month! New Maxi-Pad Pets come in twelve different pet-pal shapes so you can change your mood as often as you change your pad!

CUT TO: Close-ups of various girls: sexy, cute, quirky, tomboy, adventurous.

GIRL #1

I’m a sexy lynx — rarrrr!

GIRL #2

I’m a cute, cuddly puppy!

GIRL #3

I’m a playful platypus!

GIRL #4

I’m a happy hamster!

GIRL #5

Guess who’s got a tiger in her trousers?

CUT TO: A cup of blue liquid being poured into the belly of a Maxi-Pad Lion Cub.

NATALIE VOICEOVER

Find your perfect shape today! And Maxi-Pad Pets are superabsorbent. This blue liquid shows how effective Maxi-Pad Pets are at collecting small thimblefuls of blue liquid.

CUT TO: Marcia sitting on the sidelines in PE, glaring at her gym teacher and cradling a huge bottle of Ibuprofen.

RACHEL

So stop bothering everybody with your cramps, bloating, and irritability, and start showing everybody how much fun you are during that time of the month. Your period, your Maxi-Pad Pet, your way!

CUT TO: Next day. Same hallway. A smiling Marcia is surrounded by friends. She is the life of the party.